Love the Summer and Looking forward to the fall!

JUST SAYIN!

Lately I have been paying close attention to a few people in my life whom I feel are pretty judgemental.   Not that I spend too much time dwelling on it, but I feel I need to vent just a little!    I question why people judge others?  Do they feel its their sole responsibility to point out the mistakes that are made by people whom are less than perfect?   I have heard rumors of someone pointing out things about me or judging me lately.  Keep in mind this person in particular has spent very little time around me and has no idea what a wonderful person I am!  LOL    Being in the field of psychology tempts me to constantly ask myself questions about human behavior.  What is the motive behind it?  What happened to this person (who is the judge and jury) in their childhood to make them so unhappy?   The more I think on this subject I realize that I may be judging the people that are judging me!  WHAT THE HELL?   I have also came to realize that everyone has an opinion and people have motives, feelings, thoughts that I don't always understand!   In a very stressed out world its easy to take the focus off of ourselves and put it onto others!     In my life I will try to judge others less and be a more positive person!  Forgiveness is a good thing!  Just let people be who they are!    I will have to work on the forgiveness part, because I'm just too PISSED OFF today!

DOING GREAT!

 It is so hard for me to believe how well Lucas is doing.  They removed the tube from his chest today, and he is in alot less pain.  He is up walking around!  Watching movies, eating pizza and enjoying a banana split.  I could not ask for his surgery to have gone any better!!!

Friday May 6th! Our LIttle Boy!

   Lucas is more awake this a.m, well for longer periods of time anyway!  They have taken him off his pain medication drip.  He got some Tylenol about an hour ago and seems to be doing well with that.  He does complain that his chest hurts but it doesn't seem to be as bad as yesterday.  He still has the drainage tube coming out of his chest.  I want them to take that out but dread it at the same time.  It is my understanding that this will be very painful for him.  He will be moving to a regular room soon and we are very happy about this.  He has had one nurse that is for him and him only!  This hospital is wonderful!  So far its less pain medications, moving to a regular room, getting the tube removed and hopefully eating!  Hes coming a long well! Oh I forgot to tell you his biggest complaint, his but itches!!!!  LOL

Resting!

  Lucas is resting well.  He woke up once asking for someone to help him sit up and asked for a pillow.  A couple of hours later he woke up crying in pain.  The nurse was wonderful and gave him more pain medications as soon as she could.  He had pace maker strips coming from his heart that have now been turned off.  His heart is keeping a healthy rhythm without them.  His blood pressure is good as well.  So all is good so far in this recovery process!

The hard part is over!!!!!

  So glad to report that all went well with Luke's surgery.   The doctor came in and talked with us about 30 min ago.  He says the surgery went well!   They did have to stop his heart and put him on bypass.   His heart was a little slow to start back up on its own.  But he is doing well now!   Our understanding is that he will be in intensive care for a couple of days and then a regular room for a couple of days, Then we get to go home!  That will be a good day.  A few weeks of recovery time and Lucas will be as good as new.  It is our understanding that this surgery will not have to be repeated.  Its a good day!   Thank you for all your prayers!    Keep them coming!     

Bless Lukes Little Heart!

   We arrived at the hospital about 6:15 this morning!  We registered and got Lucas Ready for his surgery.  They took him back about an hour ago.  They just called us to inform us that they had began his surgery and that all was going well!
  Charlie, myself and my mother are waiting patiently in a private waiting room that was reserved for us.  Someone from the surgery will call us every hour or so.  Its a very scary time.  They tell us that this is a common surgery for them and that the risk are minimal.  That's easy to say when its not your son.  They have been using words like Bypass, this is not a word I ever wanted used in the same sentence as my sons name!   For those of you just catching up Luke has 3 holes in his heart that could not be repaired by the procedure he had last month.  They informed us at that time he would have to have open heart surgery.  Back to today, the procedure should take about 3 hours.  They do have to cut through his breast bone and put him on by pass.  The thought of my sons heart not beating on its own scares me to death.  I know hes in good hands and this has to be done, however I would truly rather be having a long day at work, or cleaning my house with the kids!  Those days are looking better and better all the time!
Will keep you all posted!

Life Goes On!

       We had a wonderful Easter Weekend.  I spent some quality time in Carmi for a couple of days ALONE!  Well without short people that is!  Dad and I had been planning a turkey hunting weekend and he got stuck out of state when his semi truck broke down!   So I got to hunt by myself for a couple of days.  It was a learning experience to say the least!  Dad had spent about 5 grand on Turkey hunting supplies.  I learned a lot about turkey calls, owl calls, crow calls etc. 
My first morning was promising.  I was up around 5:00 a.m. ready to go to the woods!   Took my grandmother some coffee on the way! (she had no electric and that's another story all together)   I entered the woods in an area that dad had seen turkeys earlier in the year.  When I walked in I saw several Turkeys first thing.  SO EXCITING!  Well I saw their buts that is, walking away from me.  I used my calls for several hours and never saw them again.  Off to shed and mushroom hunt.  The next morning I had 2 hens come out of their roost in front of me, no males.    So I called and called with no luck.  The 3rd morning dad finally came home and we went together.  He went on on side of the woods and me on the other.   I immediatly heard GOBBLE GOBBLE several times!  I used my call and the gobblers started responding to my call.  Shortly after I had 3 male turkeys coming toward me!  YEA  We had turkey for Easter Dinner!   It was a good day!!!!!!!
         Carmi was in terrible shape after the storms last week.  My grandmother who lives out in the middle of country was out of power for ever!   The town was highly damaged.  As far as I know no one was hurt and that's all that matters!!!!!
         The kids and I enjoyed our weekend also with Grandma Brenda and Grandma Jean!   The kids love staying with my mom!   Its a holiday all in itself! 
          Back to reality!   Work is stressful,  The funding for the care of people with Mental Health issues seems to be decreasing all the time!   I do however get to go back to work full time and I am so thankful for that.  I have been part time for a couple of years. 
           My wonderful mother bought us a new floor for our living room, so our house is a mess!   I will be so glad when its done.  While Charlie has been working on the living room floor, our bedroom flooded!  Figures!  I am determined to get our home organized and repaired BEFORE Luke's surgery.  If I don't have some kind of mental break down before!  LOL
          Luke's surgery is scheduled for next week!  We will be so glad when it is over!    He may be in the hospital for 4 or 5 days!  After he gets healed up we are going on vacation.  It may just be to Carmi again, but this crew is going to do something fun!!!!!!
           So the point of all my ramblings today is I am completely stressed out!  Worried about Luke's surgery and dealing with a house that is driving me crazy!!!!
In about a month I am hoping that we can get on with Life!    I plan on getting back to not letting unimportant things stress me, Like the house!  
          We did have a wonderful weekend!  I am so thankful for my family!  My cup is really more than 1/2 full!

Happy St. Patricks Day!

    Well St.Louis has been interesting to say the least.  We arrived on Wednesday hoping to rest and relax before Lucas preop on Thursday!  Checked into the hotel, got some dinner and headed to the pool.  The indoor pool at the hotel is also the outdoor pool.  Lucas loved swimming through the divider and going outside.  The weather has been wonderful.  We enjoyed our first evening of relaxing.

  Thursday we headed to the Children's hospital for pretesting for Luke's surgery on Friday.  He got chest xrays, an EKG and a sonogram.  As always Luke was a trooper!  The day of testing went well and we decided to go to the zoo for the last hour and 1/2 it was open.   Well not paying much attention to all the traffic, assuming it was normal, and all the people running around in green.  We aren't very observant I guess!  I had totally forgotten it was St. Patricks day!  Even after spending hours with the twins building Leprechaun traps, I still forgot!  It took 30 minutes to get near the zoo and it was packed.  I am told that the biggest parade and celebration that St. Louis has was happening today.  Of course we missed it!  

  We headed back to the hotel for dinner and another swim!   Then Lucas and his daddy started playing a game on the computer that I thought would never end!

  Friday morning we arrived at the hospital for Lucas surgery.  Dr. Nich, as we like to call him, came into talk to us about the possibilities.  All those things that parents don't like to hear.  Then they always add in statistics.  I tell ya, I have had my fill of statistics.  I really don't want to hear about them anymore!  Well this surgery was to be 90 something percent effective.  There was a 15 percent chance that they could not repair the hole in his heart.  Sounded good to me, both STATISTICS were on our side!

  After the surgery Dr. Nick informed us that Lucas had 3 holes, 2 that we did not know about.  He said this type of surgery could not fix the holes.  Lucas will have to have Open Heart Surgery in May!  So much for Statistics!  As I write Lucas is resting well, not moving and on some good medications to keep him that way!  I have read 1/2 of a novel and ate everything I could afford in the vending machine!  Charlie is sound asleep!

I have faith that Lucas will be OK, but I am horrified at the thought of him having open heart surgery!  But we keep doing what we need to do!   Enough Already!

The Benefit!

I am actually at a loss for words, but feeling like writing anyway!   Last night my friends got together and held a benefit to help with our medical expenses.  This story starts about 2 months ago.   My friend Melody asked me what I thought about a benefit.  My immediate reaction was no and a big no!  Don't ask why?  I really have no idea.  I just didn't want to accept any help!  Well fast forward a few weeks later and 2 of my other friends suggested it again, not accepting an answer immediately, they gave me time to think.  Well I did and decided it was a great idea!    So all of these women got together several times and planned the big event.  A lot of cell phone minutes were used up during this planning process!    It was to be an all you can eat buffet with fish and shrimp from a catering service.   The catering service canceled at the very last minute.  So my friends had to come up with something to feed a crowd, purchase the food, and cook the food in under 3 hours!  I think I would have just threw my hands up but they pulled it off with flying colors.  All of their husbands cooked hamburgers and pork burgers.  The food was wonderful and the deserts were to die for.  They gave away a lot of wonderful prizes!  It was just a wonderful night!  Our children had a great time at the "dance party" they called it!   I enjoyed seeing so many friends and family that I had not seen in a long time. 

I really am at a loss for words!  I don't think anyone has ever done anything like this for me in all of my life.  I cant put into words what I think about all of these women.  They banned together and made Lemonade out of Lemons for sure.  I suggested to them that they do this once or twice a year for different people because they were so good at it!  I'm not sure if they liked the idea or not. 

We received a lot of help from Charlies buddies as well!  They banned together to really help us in a crisis!  It was wonderful to see all the cards and messages we received from different people.  Going to the mail box was fun for a while!  LOL

In the end I have learned how precious  life is, keep your eyes on people that matter to you, and there are alot more people that care about you than you think!   We are a very lucky family!   To whoever is reading this I have a lesson for you!  If ya need help ask for it!  If you get help pay it forward to someone else.  Always BELIEVE in people around you and yourself!  God Bless!

Back to work!

I am so excited, I turned in my notice from the doctor that it was time for me to go back to work!  Still feeling pretty tired most of the time however, I am no longer having the very annoying and painful side effects from the radiation.  I am a little irritated.  I have had all this time off and my home is more disorganized and trashed than it has ever been.   This time has went so fast.  I don't feel like I have really rested like I should and I have worried constantly about this house.  Not practicing what I preach about whats important I know.  But I did have dreams of being completely organized before I went back to work.   Well I have 2 days this week, then a doctors appointment on Friday.  Our families benefit is on Saturday, so resting will come on Sunday!  That day should be a day of rest anyway!   I sure would like some comments on how you organized people keep your your home clean and organized, get things done on time, look great and have enough time and energy to go to the gym and take your kids to the movies on a whim.   This is how I would like my life to be and its just not happening.  I no longer want to worry about my homes disorganization and dirt!  Ive got more important things to do with my life!   Enough complaining for one day!  God Bless

Finished- Finally

Well today marked another celebration in this Cancer Business!  Yes I do believe it is a business and a lot of people are making big money keeping people like me healthy.  That's a business I like!   I had 2 internal radiation treatments this week and that finished up my main "treatment plan".  I will see my radiology oncologist in Effingham in the next couple of weeks and then will see my regular doctor In Evansville at least every 3 months.  Really I think this has been the easy part.  Making life style changes is very difficult, even when facing cancer.   Eating differently, and I mean completely different is a part of my routine.  I am trying to have the majority of my foods in the good for you plant raw form.  Smoothies and Juicing makes this easier  Don't get me wrong, if I feel like a big mack I will have one, I just wont have one everyday!   I am ashamed to say that I have not started exercising yet, that's next on my list.  I thought of spring the other day and thought to myself, I cant wait to get to the tanner.  Another big no-no!   Making changes as I can and not getting too stressed out about it! 

Moving on

I have often thought about how I am going to feel after my treatments are over.  Today I worry, what if they didn't get it all or what if it comes back.  Those 2 fears will be with me forever.  They are both possibilities that I will have to deal with if they become realities.  My life I have learned is so precious, as well as my wonderful friends and family!  The lemonade of this situation is that I needed to get knocked in the head to realize it.  OK you all say you know that already.  Trust me you REALLY know it when faced with Cancer!

Its time to go back to work, start planning for Lucas surgery and planning for all the fun things we will do this summer!   Its really good to know that there is a really good chance I will be around this summer!

Life has changed for me, the way I take care of myself has to be different!   I want to teach my children about "paying it forward"!    So I am hoping that my blog will no longer focus on Cancer and will be more positive!
For those of you reading please think about someone in need and what you could do for them.  It may be a lonely widower living next door, it could be a child in need, it could be helping Olney with the fireworks!  Whatever you choose, just choose something and go for it.  Encourage those you help to do the same.  This really can make a difference in our world!  God Bless

OREOS verses Raw Vegies!

Well the changes I am trying to make have been easy so far!  The smoothie with the beet is really good.  I did add a banana, I needed a little more sweetness.  The kids loved it as well.  Yesterday, I focused my diet mainly on plant form food, however I did not pass up a bowl of chili I fixed the kids for lunch.  Finally got bounce in my step.  Side effects are mostly gone away.  I hope they don't come back after next weeks treatment but I will get through them if they do.  I am so looking forward to getting back to work!  Boy do I appreciate my job, my clients and especially my co-workers whom I consider my friends.  Oh, I forgot to tell you I also had to have 1 oreo cookie yesterday. LOL  I don't ever plan on completely giving up things I love, I am just not eating the whole box of oreos anymore!   Plus I will never pass on my mothers wonderful cooking or my dads fried fish!  There are some things in life that are too wonderful to give up!

I am so grateful for the cards, emails, facebook messages I have received lately.  Cancer has done a lot of positive things for me!  I look at things a lot different.  Water off a ducks ass as my friend would say!
God Bless and Have a Wonderful Day!

OK I lied it was more than one oreo!

Crazy Sexy Cancer Diet?

Well I have a reason to be motivated.  Of course there is the cancer thing, there is the heart thing, there is the fat thing! Need I say more?    Kris Carr was on Good Morning America earlier this week.  It was actually the first time I had seen her on TV.   She is the author of "Crazy Sexy Cancer" and "Crazy Sexy Cancer Diet".   She is an inspiration to anyone who has cancer.  8 years ago she was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer.  She immediately started researching what she could do for her body to get better.  8 years later she still has cancer but is doing great!   The basics of her "diet" is to have mainly raw plant form food in your diet!   So I will be headed to walmart today to experience the section of the store I am rarely in, The fruit and Vegetable section!   I am getting a juicer (thanks to my pall Patty).  I started out my day with a wonderful fruit smoothie!  The recipe follows this post.  Not only is it easy and  good for you it taste great!  Everyone should give it a try.  Don't tell the kids its good for them, mine love this smoothie!   For lunch I am going to load up with a spinach salad, a lot of water and might indulge in another smoothie!  Looking forward to trying the nectar of the goddess (recipe to follow) as well.   Kris Carr says she drinks it every morning.  She says the juice is the secret to good health, abundant energy, and overall glow!  We've all got to at least give it a shot!
This is my plan on this day of motivation, I hope it last and I will let ya all know how it goes!  By the way, I don't ever intend on completely eliminating fun foods that I love!   My diet is just about balancing, not eliminating.    Have recorded my weight (hell no I'm not going to share it) and I will let ya know if I start loosing and feeling better!   I'm challenging anyone who is reading this to do a little research, start eating in some healthy way!  It may just save your life!  God Bless

Nectar of the Goddess                                                   Becky's Fruit Smoothie
2 Cucumbers                                                                2 bananas
Celery                                                                          2 cups frozen or fresh blackberries
Broccoli Stalks                                                             1 cup fresh orange juice
Sweet Pea Sprouts                                                       1 TBLS  Honey
Kale                                                                             Ice
2 Pears                                                                           

Put ingredients in the juicer and enjoy!               Put ingredients in the blender and Enjoy!

Month 4 of this Cancer Business!

Well, Ive made it this far!  As I get further a long in this process, my attitude is diminishing.  Or shall I say its very poor!  Physically I have felt worse than I ever have since my diagnosis.  My children seem to realize more that something is going on.  Payton our youngest, asked me the other day why I wasn't working!  We have not really said the C word to the kids.  I don't think that is necessary in our situation.  They know that a lot of times they need to be quieter than normal and they do the best 4 and 6 year olds can do.  In the last few days the side effects of the radiation seem to be at their worst.  Since the radiation was in my pelvic area, you can just imagine what all it has affected.  I have had a lot of pain in the last few days plus these were the first days that I actually have not done much because of not feeling well.  I missed my first entire deer season ever!  That really pissed me off!    As I was getting ready to go to a baby shower I realized I just could not do it!  A family member was kind enough to tell me how messy my house was.  OK it is and its driving me crazy, does that person actually think this cancer has caused me to go blind as well?   I am easily agitated and very tired.  I have cried more in the last few days than I ever have during this ordeal.   I hate relying on my husband to run my errands etc.   I want things done when I want them done and that hasn't been happening!   Overall things the last couple of days have really sucked.  My plan for Tuesday is to actually get dressed, pretty up and try to get out of the house.   I will just make sure bathrooms are close and take plenty of pain meds ,lol!

Now that was only 1/2 of my story.   The other side, the side that keeps me going is my friends.  These are girls whom have family's, full time jobs and busy lives.   They are throwing a benefit for mine and Lucas medical bills.  My friends and parents are what keeps me going.   Every time I get a call about the benefit, read who's coming, see who's donated, or who has just sent a note I cry like a new born baby.   Some of the people that have reached out to me, I have not seen in 20 years!  Now that's pretty cool.  Friends have went to the pharmacy for me, helped me pickup the house, helped me sell candles etc.  Everyone I know has offered help in some form or another! Although this isn't my official thank you, I just have to say Thank You to a wonderful group of friends!  I would never make it through this without you!  If I didn't have all of you my attitude might be a lot worse!  God forbid!   I'm not blogging anymore until I have something positive to say!  God Bless

Good Bye Radiation!

Yesterday was a day I will remember forever.  The last day of radiation, internal radiation anyway.   I celebrated with my friend Melody eating the best cupcakes I have ever eaten.  The next part of my treatment will be internal radiation.   The cancer center that I received my external treatment from does not do the internal treatment.  I chose to get the internal treatment in Evansville.   It will be 2 weeks from now and will consist of 2 different days of treatment.  They tell me I will be at the center for several hours and that the actually treatment will only last about 15 min!    Anyway its a happy day!  I have completed 2 parts of my 3 part treatment.  Its almost over!   

Almost done! Thank the dear Lord!

Well 2 more days of external radiation left!  Then on to the internal radiation.  Not looking forward to the internal but you do what ya have to do.  A few weeks ago, I would walk into the Cancer treatment center and some of the people looked really sick.  I thought to my self, I don't feel bad, Ive still got bounce in my step, I'm not like THOSE people.  Well today I am just like all of those people.  I feel like Ive been ran over a truck, continue to be in the bathroom every 5 minutes and continue to burn in places I would rather not.  This day has went by without getting anything done.  I cant remember what was on my so important get done list anyway.  Its another feel sorry for myself day!  In a few hours I will feel better especially after I have complained a few minutes!  To those of you reading I really do hope you take something from what is going on in our life!  That's really why I am writing about it.  I have learned the valuable lesson of whats important in life, and most of us are way off track most of the time!

Lucas

A lot of you have asked me about Lucas and his upcoming surgery.    I thought I would share a little about him.  He loves being outdoors, has a wonderful sense of humor and is a little mischievous.   In the summer he will spend hours in the garden, or just in the dirt.  He loves to plant things and watch them grow!  He is actually very good at it.  He loves to swim and spend time in the woods in the summer.  He is all about riding on his grandpas 4 wheeler and has became a pretty good fisherman. 

Lucas and his twin sister were born premature so they stayed in the hospital for a while when they were born.  They were small but fine when we brought them home.   I often think of Lucas and his little mischievous smile even when he was a few weeks old.  When we took him for his followup with our family doctor, his first official doctors appointment in this world, the doctor noted a heart murmur.  He immediately referred us to Prairie Heart Institute in Springfield.    The doctor at PHI informed us that Lucas had Atrial Septal Defect (a hole in his heart) and Pulmonary Stenosis.  He recommended no treatment at that time stating that sometimes the hole closes on its own.  Lucas has saw his Dr. Nick yearly since then with no changes.  At his last appointment, the week I found out I had Cancer by the way, Dr. Nick said it was time to do surgery.   I was actually shocked.  At every other yearly exam he had said things are fine we will see ya in a year.  The doctor explained to us that since the hole had not closed on its own at this time that it would never close on its own.  Repairing the hole will fix the pulminary stenosis as well, or so that is my understanding.  Due to my health issues, the doctor scheduled Lucas surgery on Feb. 25th.   He will have his surgery at St. Louis Childrens Hospital.  It is my understanding that he will only be in the hospital for a day or two.  Then recoup at home.   So keep my little Lucas in your thoughts and prayer!  We love him so very much and will be glad when this surgery is all over and all is well!

Dont take life too seriously!

Today was another busy day in the life of this Cancer business.  I started out the day getting radiation in Effingham at 8:30 this morning.  I rushed home and picked up my chauffeur for the day, Mom.  We then headed to Evansville!  Keep in mind I am having a few embarrassing to say the least side effects!  I tried not to eat all day to avoid any problems.  Those of you that know me well know that that is almost impossible for me to do.  Food is really one of my favorite things.  Anyway I ate a little and spent most of my site seeing today in various bathrooms in Evansville.  For you ladies out there, have you ever had to get a pap smear when you were having diarrhea.  Horrifying!  The second doctor I saw today was a new Radiology Oncologist.  He will be doing my internal radiation.  Internal radiation will be done at 2 different sessions and the process will take about 2 hours.  It wont be the most pleasant 2 hours I have spent, but it will be worth it.    Then I headed off to see my new gynecologist!    Another pap test!  By the end of the day my head was spinning and I am exhausted.  My side effects are hopefully at their worst, extreme burning, problems with seeing too many bathrooms, and extreme exhaustion.   But the countdown is on, to being done that is.  I am looking forward to going back to work as soon as possible.   Then my focus will be on Lucas who will be having heart surgery on February 25th!    Still trying to keep the stress level down, trying to focus on whats important and not taking life to seriously!    A wonderful man that I have worked with for 20 years has always said "Don't take life to seriously and don't ever take it personally".   Every day I fight to be as positive as I can and focus on all the good in the world, I hope you all do the same!  God Bless and Thanks Dr K!