Life sucks and then?

As you can see by my title, this is one of those bad days!  I have to admit I have very few of them but this is the day.  Started out like any other day.  I went to Effingham for radiation at 7:30 A.M.  Back around 10:30.  Felt a little energy so I decided to make some candles for my new business.   Got the mail, none for me except medical bills!  At least they put a Holiday stamp on them, that impressed me.    Have lost my energy with the candles, ran out of ink to do my new labels and ran out the candle jars that I really like!  That pissed me off!   OK Have I mentioned lately that I'm in the bathroom every 5 seconds and I burn in places I don't want to burn.  I had planned on going back to work on Tuesday but have decided to take my full 3 months of medical leave.  This is the second thing that really pisses me off!  I love my job, miss my clients and coworkers and I'M NOT GETTING PAID!  LOL    So I decided to do a little research about Cancer on the net.  OK I have said before that I needed to quit reading.  My doctors have given me my prognosis, but every time I go on a research binge, I read all the bad possibilities and stay away from the positive!  What the hell.  Its like going to the doctor and saying "Doc it really hurts when I put my arm like this"  and the doctor says "Well quit putting your arm like that....idiot!"  I know what I need to be doing and thinking but for today, I'm going to feel sorry for myself for just a couple more hours then I plan on snapping the hell out of it!  God Bless

Crazy Sexy Cancer

We had a great Christmas as always.  The kids really enjoyed themselves.  They have informed me that they did not get everything they "ordered".

This week has been all but fun!   I am still putting toys together and trying to get batteries in others.  Then trying to figure out how some of their toys even work.  OMG  I think I need some chemical help, maybe a bottle of wine in my future could help!  My house is driving me crazy, I'm not practicing what I preach about whats important and whats not!  Did I mention that Lucas vomited all night Monday!

I have been hit by side effects from the radiation, I am over 1/2 way done by the way.   Without getting too graphic, radiation makes you burn in places you would rather not burn. lol  Plus while in walmart in Effingham this morning I had to visit the bathroom more than 2 times, I lost count.  The worst side effect is being really tired.  I slept most of the day on Monday.  Yesterday was a little better and today I actually had some energy.    All in all the side effects could be a lot worse.  

Just a couple more weeks of radiation in Effingham, then I head to Evansville for internal radiation.  Then hopefully I will be done for a while.

I just finished reading the book "Crazy Sexy Cancer"!  Its a wonderful book and I gained a lot from it.  The women in the book have wonderful attitudes and a lot can be learned from them.  I highly recommend the book. 

In the book it talks about what Not to say to someone who has cancer:
"How long have they given you?'
"Well how long has God given you?.............Asshole!
I laughed for about an hour after I read that!

Hoping Everyone had a Merry Christmas!

Was it a dream!

When I woke up today I could not help but think how organized I am!  My house is clean, my bills are organized and paid, my Christmas shopping is done.  I have this wonderful display of chocolates that I have made from scratch for everyone to enjoy on Christmas day.  The turkey is thawing and the ham is ready to cook!  My gifts are wrapped and are under the tree!  I have no last minute things to do or things to buy!  My new candle business is all organized and my new labels are done!  All I have to do for the next couple of days is curl up with my kids, coffee for me and hot chocolate for them and watch "A wonderful life" and "Miracle on 34th street" over and over!  Did I fail to mention that my kids are being well behaved and not asking me what they are getting for Christmas every 5 minutes!  .........Then I realized all that was just a dream.  I try to do all the above every year way before Christmas so we can truly enjoy our few days that family comes in to celebrate with us!    Don't get me wrong, my disorganization has nothing to do with Cancer, its truly a part of me.   When the fall season comes I start daydreaming about all the wonderful things I would like to do for Christmas.  By this time of the month, 3 days before Christmas, my daydreaming turns into complete stress and I realize I have not accomplished any of those wonderful things I would like to do for the holidays!  So what to do????????? I have decided that my house wont be perfect, I may have to buy some chocolates,  some of my gifts will be stuck in gift bags and Its really no big deal if my kids are asking me what they are getting for Christmas every 5 minutes.  So today's blog for me has been a little bit of a therapy session for myself and hopefully whom ever is reading!  Whats important about the holidays we do tend to forget.  Sounds like a cliche` but it is so true.  My family realizes that I am a slob and not the best house keeper in the world. They have known me for 44 years and I have NEVER been neat before.  They wont be disappointed or even surprised when gifts are in gift bags and not wrapped.   My mother will bring the most wonderful chocolates we have all ever eaten.   I think its all going to be OK!        Next year I will  be dreaming the same dreams about our Christmas celebration!  Never hurts to dream!  For the rest of this season I am going to do what I can do and still relax and enjoy being with my family!  Its time to take down the stress level a notch!   I hope that everyone reading has a Very Merry Christmas and takes your own stress level down a notch!  Happy Holidays!

What the Hell!

Just as I thought radiation was going well, I got whammed with some side effects this weekend.  Nothing major but a "pain in the ass" LOL!  I think I will leave out the details.  Radiation is making me tired as well, or shall I say lazy!  Starting week 3 on Monday!  Almost 1/2 over!!!!!  I have a good buddy Melody that has taken me to several treatments and that makes it a lot more fun!  I am looking forward to breakfast at the Cracker Barrel with Melody and Connie!  Its going to be a good week before Christmas!  God Bless!

A toast to my gal pals at work!

Finished my first 2 weeks of radiation!  All is going well!  No more cancer news for today!  LOL

I got to enjoy some time away from the house and treatments at our work Christmas Party Today!  I am truly blessed to work with such a great group of women.  I am lucky to say that I am always excited to go to work and enjoy almost every minute of it!  Well I have to be honest, I don't like the paperwork.  But you do what you have to do.  I guess I would rather do paperwork than lets say Chemo!  LOL

It was nice to look around the room at the party and see a lot of smiling happy faces!  A group of people that care about each other and are there to support each other!    A toast to my gal pals at work!  I am lucky to know you all!

RADIATION.. My new best friend!

In week 2 of radiation.  I have had no major side effects.  The only "pain" is the drive to Effingham for less than 5 minutes of treatment.   I knew nothing about radiation before this.  Its not bad at all really.  Laying in a tanning bed for 12 minutes is a lot worse.  Radiation doesn't hurt at all.  You cant feel a thing.  The machine is huge and a little noisy.  A man that gets his treatments before me called it the Cobra today.  I kind of like that so I think I will stick with that name.  So before I actually started getting treatments, they did whats called a simulation on me.  This involves getting a lot of x rays and getting your body marked so you will get radiation in the places its needed ( I guess), that's not an educated description but that's what I gathered from it.  A few days later they gave me tattoos that I will have forever to show the places I have received radiation.  Each day when I arrive at the cancer center I get 2 gowns (No butts hanging out at the cancer center) and join others in the waiting room.  When it is my turn I get positioned on the cobra the same exact way each day.  The staff tell me to "lay heavy" and they do all the moving.  The blue circles that are on my hands and feet, help to to lie still and help with positioning.  After they get me situated the staff leave the room and its just me and the cobra.  The cobra circles my body and stops 4 times for less than 10 seconds each time and I am done.  Piece of Cake! 

DEAD WOMEN WALKING!

Today I got to thinking at how we all look at things so differently, especially as circumstances change or we become more, shall I say enlightened.    I remember my responses when hearing that people I knew had cancer.  I was almost afraid of seeing them!  I mean really, What the hell do ya say to someone who is about to kill over?   Then I would run into them at the grocery store and think "Oh my Gosh they still EAT?"   I am ashamed at my ignorance but want to share it as well.  I  know how hard it can be for friends to talk to me and try to think of what to say.  I have learned that it really doesn't matter what you all say as long as you are saying something!  Being positive for everyone we care about is one of the biggest gifts we can give in life!   Prognosis vary for different people.  Cancers are becoming more and more treatable and not always a death sentence!    My prognosis is very good at this point.    I am making life style changes and will be watched very carefully so if my cancer shows up again, hopefully we can treat it effectively. 
God Bless

What a day!

Today was to be a very busy day, Cancer keeps you busy you know!!!  I needed to be in Effingham for radiation at 7:45 A.M. then back to Evansville by 11:20 to see my doctor.   OK this is kind of possible, if you haven't just had a major snow storm.   With good weather I was pushing it.  So I cancelled the radiation and went on my way to Evansville.  Leaving very early so I would have plenty of time.  What do ya know some poor person had a very bad wreck on Interstate 64 and we were stopped in Traffic for an hour.   My doctor was so kind, saw me even though I was an hour late.

My appointment went well!  The doctor informed me I was healing well and everything looked good.  That's what we like to hear.  He referred me to ANOTHER radiation oncologist so I could get some "internal" radiation treatments.  So I have 3 doctors that I feel are taking pretty good care of me.  One doctor sees me 1 time every week! 

On to more important things!  Santa Clause is officially done shopping!  The kids and I are enjoying some more egg nog and I got to spend another wonderful day with mom!  Life is good!

Just another day in the rain!

O.K. friends!  First of all thank you so much for those of you that are reading my blog! 
Tonight I just feel like complaining.  I sat out in the rain today, well in a tent blind, with dreams of seeing a MONSTER BUCK or something close to it.  All I saw was a skunk, a very annoying bird and some squirrels.  WTH  LOL  We have one more day of muzzle loader season and all jokes aside, I really do enjoy it!   Getting up at 4 in the morning so I am going to eat and sleep and pray!  Not necessarily in that order!That sounds kind of like a book I am reading.  LOL  

Cancer Schmancer!

           I cant help but give the nanny, Fran a little credit.   I recently read her book about her experience with uterine cancer called Cancer Schmancer.   It was so funny, honest and educational.  The reason I have decided to blog about my experience basically came from Fran.   I want to hopefully help others from my experience.

         It took Fran over 2 years and 8 different doctors for her to be diagnosed with uterine cancer.   That is just not acceptable.  She had been literally bleeding for 2 years without ever getting the one test she needed that could detect uterine cancer.     The following is a hopefully shortened version of my story!    In case you get bored with my ramblings please just remember to pay attention to your bodies,  don't worry about sounding like a hypochondriac-TELL YOUR DOCTOR EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!

    For those of you still interested I would like to say some of the names in my  story are changed to protect the guilty and or innocent, I will  leave that up to you to decide for yourself!                                                                                                                                      

  In 2004 Charlie and I became the lucky parents of twins.   For a twin pregnancy it was pretty normal, no major complications.  The twins were premature, however came home soon after they were born.  In 2006  we had another daughter.  Again a pretty normal pregnancy,  she was full term, however had a low birth weight.   I had my children at the ages of 39 an 37.  By the way waiting till you are older to have children is a common risk factor for uterine cancer.  I chose not to breast feed, another risk factor for uterine cancer.

   After our third child was born I went to my gynecologist ( I will just call him Dr. D) as directed.  Then at my next yearly exam he told me all was good and I did not need to see him for 2 years!  Sounded good to me, I mean who likes that kind of exam anyway.  2 years sounded great.   I went about my busy life with no symptoms for a year or so.  I apologize for being so vague, but I really cant remember when this all started.  I honestly did not take my early symptoms seriously.  After all I am at "that age" you know!

My symptoms started out with my periods getting longer and heavier.  Please keep in mind for those of you still reading this I am not a doctor, some things I call symptoms may not have been related, I am only mentioning the ones that I believe were symptoms.   I would have what I would call a discharge alot of days in between periods.   My legs began hurting a lot, especially at night.  I had some lower back pain as well.   It never entered my mind to tell him about the leg pain or back pain, both symptoms of cancer.  At my 2 year appointment, I mentioned the spotting and bleeding.    We discussed options and possible reasons for this.  As I recall cancer was never mentioned and it never entered my mind, well not uterine cancer anyway.  As luck would have it my pap test came back as abnormal.  Pre cancer cells on my cervix I was told.   A biopsy was done on my cervix and Dr. D. called me stating it was fine.  He stated we should wait 6 months and do another pap test.   6 months later I went and saw Dr. D again and he performed another pap test.  This is when things in my life start getting interesting to say the least!  During my appointment I informed him that my bleeding was worse and that I was bleeding more days than not.   After performing the regular pap test, Dr. D. decided a biopsy of my uterus was a good idea.  He tells me that it will hurt a little.  Ok my friends who are still reading, it hurt worse than labor pains, it was horrifying.  I could not sit still.  Dr. D. decided that he could not perform the test in his office because "the patient was not tolerating the test well".    He announced with me still sitting on the table still butt naked that he would have to put me in the hospital because "you may very well be dieing from cancer".   The room started spinning.  I honestly did not think I could get dressed and I am not sure how I did.  Then things started going in slow motion.  Did he say what I thought he said?  That was all I could rationally think.  Keep in mind up until this point the thought of having anything wrong other than a few "pre cancerous cells" on my cervix had not entered my mind.  Now I am dieing of cancer.  Dr. D. seemed angry and this concerned me as well.  I pointed this out to him and pointed out that he had scared me!  He immediately started drawing on a pamphlet or something, I honestly have no idea.  He was trying to explain the possibilities to me but I did not hear a word he said.  All I heard him say was that I am dieing of cancer.  WTF  Then Dr. D. offered me 2 dates to go into the hospital for a biopsy of my uterus.   The dates seemed far away due to the "fact" that I was dieing.  I chose the first one and left his office in a blur!  

I cried for about 2 days after that appointment.  I talked to whoever would listen.  Spent hours on the Internet trying to figure out how Dr. D. new I was dieing of cancer.  Other doctors, assured me that from what was done in the office that day, Dr. D. could not have known for a fact that I was dieing.  OK this made me feel better. 

After a few days and with a little encouragement, I decided to make a formal complaint against Dr. D.  I wrote a letter, tried not to be personal but it was.  Then I took my letter to the powers that be and told them my story.  My goal was to point out that this behavior was unacceptable from a doctor and all patients deserve better.  I may have gotten my point across, I may have made a fool out of myself.  In the end I am glad I did it.    The "powers that be"  set me up with another doctor whom I would see in a few days.  I was happy with that and agreed.  This new doctor met with me and got me into the hospital for my biopsy quickly.  We will call this doctor Dr. S.   Dr. S was kind, funny and explained things well.  I still felt uneasy and scared.    The biopsy went well or so I thought.  I had no pain and actually went to Holiday World 2 days after.    Dr. S. came into my room and creatively said she had "removed some clumpy stuff" from my uterus.  I felt relieved.  OK she removed this clumpy stuff, I am going to be fine.  On with life.   NOT

I phoned Dr. S the next week while driving in my car to get my results.  The nurse came on the line and asked me to come into the office.  I new deep in my heart the doctor did not have good news.    It was cancer she explained.  She new the grade of the cancer was a 2 out of 3.  She could not tell a stage.  That would be done during the full hysterectomy that I was going to need.    OK  time to cry for a few more days.

Four weeks later I received a full hystercomy by a robot, yes a robot.   Everyone that needs a hysterectomy should google this, read about it and choose this type of surgery.  It was wonderful, I had no pain after surgery.  I healed quickly.  It was wonderful!   After surgery I was informed by my husband and mother that the cancer had moved into my cervix and due to this I would need radiation treatments.  Due to a very small amount of cancer being in my cervix my cancer was a stage 2 cancer, again not what I was expecting.    My treatments have began as I am writing this is day 4 of 25 days of external radiation.  I then will receive 3 days of internal radiation.    After that, well I am not worried about after that.  I have today to focus on. 

Again the reason I am sharing is to hopefully keep this from happening to even just one person.  The following would be my advice:   

Don't be afraid of your doctor, tell them your symptoms and really pay attention to your body.

I spoke with others about my symptoms and heard several times "Its just your age".  My symptoms weren't normal for my age, however a lot of people think different. 

If you have ANY abnormal bleeding call your doctor. 

I had the following symptoms that I have learned are all symptoms of uterine cancer:
Lower back pain
Pain in my legs
Bleeding

I met almost all of the risk factors for uterine cancer and had never even thought about this type of cancer!

Women need to be more educated about female cancers.   Most women feel safe if their yearly pap test is good.  Uterine cancer is not detected in a pap test.

If Uterine Cancer is caught early it is completely treatable.

I hope this has been helpful to someone!   I plan to share my story with anyone who is interested.  I will keep you all posted!  God Bless

Papa

On my way to visit my grandfathers grave a group of deer run through! I miss my grandfather alot but especially in the fall! He and Grandma Ann had the greatest Thanksgiving dinners with a house full of people. I especially loved getting to deer hunt with Papa!

Halloween 2009 and 2010

Swimming in September

Farm Safety Day with Grandma Karla and Laci 2010

The Circus

Mesker Zoo this fall! The kids enjoy going anywhere with Grandma Brenda! They really enjoyed Chucky Cheeses after the zoo.

Putting Things in Perspective

For most of us we enjoyed our thanksgiving with friends and family! Focusing on what we are thankful for and eating A LOT! I cant help but think of the people that have touched my life who's holiday were a little different. A co-worker of 20 years lost her husband just before thanksgiving. As I think back on conversations with her I cant help but smile when I remember her saying "I told Andy about that"! It was a true love that ended way too soon. Another co-worker lost her grandfather and was more than likely planning his services the day of Thanksgiving. I think of the Andrews family. Tim Andrews a former co-worker and really great person passed away last night. All I know is he was way too young. I am sad for them all and I cant help but think about them.



So the next time something upsets me I am going to try very hard to put things in perspective. I think it is really important for all of us to not take things so seriously, know whats important and whats not, and cherish those Thanksgivings with family and friends. You may not have everyone at the next dinner! Love to you all!

One thing at a time!

Lately it seems realistic to me to focus on one thing at a time. I have quit smoking and that's my favorite thing to do! Other than that life has been pretty good. We have been enjoying the holidays! Took in the Christmas Parade and the Holiday Lights. The kids are so excited already. It was wonderful to watch them decorate the Christmas tree. They have drank 2 containers of egg nog in 2 days.

I went to get set up for radiation treatment today. Had a couple of ct scans and got marked up. I was surprised to find out that I actually get real tattoos next week when radiation actually starts. I was told that I will get 25 days of external radiation and 3 days of internal. I was somewhat disappointed today because I was under the impression that my radiation would start today. I am so ready to go back to work and get on with life! I think that cancer really changes a persons perspective in life. I wish that everyone could have this change of thought processes. I have always preached to others that attitude is 90 percent of the game, however I haven't always followed it. I don't take most things as seriously as I used too. I pay more attention to the people in my life and less on things. I do what I enjoy doing and so no to the other stuff! I enjoy my kids more than I ever have. I have started making a bucket list that I will share later. Life is really different, its better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have to once again say how thankful I am for friends and family. Even my face book friends, some that I have not seen for years are such a big support. I have been thinking a lot about friends who are having a difficult time now! One friend lost her grandfather that she was very close to. One friend lost her husband of many years. A former co-worker is very ill and I cant imagine what his family is going through! A friends father in a coma on thanksgiving! I really question at times why we go through all these things on earth. I feel the reason is so we will really appreciate how wonderful our lives are! I think we all need a reminder every now and then!

OMG

I was so ashamed when I noticed how long it had been since I had posted anything on my blog. Decided today was a good time to start up again and boy do I have a lot to write about. The last year is somewhat of a blur. It all went fast. Today I realized that I had 635 pictures on my camera, none of them printed of course. The twins are in Kindergarten and enjoying every minute of it. Payton is still in preschool and loves it as well. We spend our days doing homework, yes they have homework in Kindergarten, and trying to do some fun things a long the way. Without boring you with all the details I would say that life is pretty busy these days. In September 2010 things changed drastically for us. I got the news that I had the big C, yes Cancer. It is even hard to type the word. But anyway my life stopped the day I was told. I did the usual thing that I guess one does when they get this news! Cried and Cried and Cried.
I spent hours upon hours looking up statistics on cancer, who survives and why. I was obsessed with it. My husband was wonderful and my parents were awesome. They always gave me encouraging words that I needed. My friends have been wonderful as well, with cards and calls from them. In October I had a full hysterectomy. I will start radiation soon. I have suddenly came to terms with my illness and know that I can win this battle. I have really good days and only a few bad days. I think God was watching over me and just whispered in my ear...Hey Becky quit worrying and start living-So that's what I am doing. Living and taking things as they come!

You gotta love Holiday World! The Kids could ride this train all day!

Farm safety day! What a great day for the kids! Lucas learning how to pick corn!

Grandpa David Gets Married and I get a new step mom, brother, sister and neices and nephews! HAPPY NEWS!

Sydney enjoys a pile of fish! He favorite!

Catch of the Year! I was so proud of the kids!

Fun At the River Boat!

Sydney striking a pose!

Grandpa David helping sydney hold her pole with a HUGE fish!

You Gotta love the Cracker Barrel!

Payton and Luke playing on the waterfront before the fireworks!

Sydneys first ball trophy!

Daddy and Luke headed to a cardinals ball game! What fun they had!

Sydney Enjoying some watermelon!

Daddy and Payton ready to hunt easter eggs!

Sydney and Payton enjoying the snow!

One of my favorite pictures of Charlie and Payton enjoying the hot tub!

Missing Deer Season already! We have found a few sheds! Now its time to Mushroom Hunt!

Critters in the yard

I am not sure if it is spring or what, but lately we have seen lots of CRITTERS in the yard. Of course being an "outdoor girl" I kind of enjoy this. It doesn't matter if its a Coyote or a possum, it just thrills me to see it. Trying to pass this "thrill" on to my children is really fun. This past Saturday, we had a possum in the field in front of our house. With all my outdoor girl enthusiasm I ran to get the kids. Lucas was happy to see this strange little critter and it (the critter that is) immediately climbed up a tree about eye level with me. So I went to get my "outdoor daughters" that were in the "indoors". Payton just looked at this ugly little thing and I could tell she really wondered what all the fuss was about. Sydney came running out of the house, up to the tree, all out of breath and with all the excitement she had said "THAT IS THE BIGGEST MOUSE I HAVE EVER SEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" OK I do beleive it is time for the ready girls to spend a little more time in the woods. Oh do I love those moments!

Time to quit smoking...AGAIN!

I started taking chantix AGAIN! I had some left from a prior script! I know its not a good idea, but what the hell, they are mine and last time I took them I quit smoking without a problem, as long as I continued taking the chantix! The dreams I had from this wonderful drug were great the last time I took it. I could not wait to go to sleep. This time is a little different! I have had anxiety filled, cant sleep, racing, almost nightmares! OMG I have no idea what the difference is this time around. To give you an example, last night part of the Thelma and Louise team were busting people for making meth, I think I was Thelma but I'm not really sure? I continue to smoke although it is getting easier to not smoke an entire cigarette and when at home, I go longer between smokes. I just hope the dreams go back to the good dreams and I get some sleep. If someone looks at me sideways today I may have to kill them. Time to go have another cigarette!

Funny Things Kids Say!

My son and I recently had the following conversation!
Luke: Mommy do you know what Making Love Is?
Mommy: Yes luke why do you ask?
Luke: When people make love they kiss funny?
Mommy: Well I guess they do!
Luke: You dont kiss like that because you are not human!
End of conversation LOL

Thinking of Spring

Today I am thinking of spring and summer! I cant wait. Lucas has gotten the fishing poles out several times this week(wanting to get them ready)! If anyone wants a really fun experience, try going fishing with 3 people under 4. They each have their own poles, and their own tempers! They can find a tree to land in that is 50 yards away! They love to fish and are pretty patient for their age! Our activities for late winter/early spring consist of hunting for antlers(The ones that deer drop in the spring for you indoor girls)and spending a lot of time watching movies! Looking forward to letting the kids start plants indoors for the garden and doing some spring cleaning! Life is GOOD!

Today

Mark this day in history girls, I have followed suit and have a blog! Love Cheri's, soggy bottoms and Cheryl's. So I hope my stories entertain everyone as much as I have been entertained by your stories!