Month 4 of this Cancer Business!

Well, Ive made it this far!  As I get further a long in this process, my attitude is diminishing.  Or shall I say its very poor!  Physically I have felt worse than I ever have since my diagnosis.  My children seem to realize more that something is going on.  Payton our youngest, asked me the other day why I wasn't working!  We have not really said the C word to the kids.  I don't think that is necessary in our situation.  They know that a lot of times they need to be quieter than normal and they do the best 4 and 6 year olds can do.  In the last few days the side effects of the radiation seem to be at their worst.  Since the radiation was in my pelvic area, you can just imagine what all it has affected.  I have had a lot of pain in the last few days plus these were the first days that I actually have not done much because of not feeling well.  I missed my first entire deer season ever!  That really pissed me off!    As I was getting ready to go to a baby shower I realized I just could not do it!  A family member was kind enough to tell me how messy my house was.  OK it is and its driving me crazy, does that person actually think this cancer has caused me to go blind as well?   I am easily agitated and very tired.  I have cried more in the last few days than I ever have during this ordeal.   I hate relying on my husband to run my errands etc.   I want things done when I want them done and that hasn't been happening!   Overall things the last couple of days have really sucked.  My plan for Tuesday is to actually get dressed, pretty up and try to get out of the house.   I will just make sure bathrooms are close and take plenty of pain meds ,lol!

Now that was only 1/2 of my story.   The other side, the side that keeps me going is my friends.  These are girls whom have family's, full time jobs and busy lives.   They are throwing a benefit for mine and Lucas medical bills.  My friends and parents are what keeps me going.   Every time I get a call about the benefit, read who's coming, see who's donated, or who has just sent a note I cry like a new born baby.   Some of the people that have reached out to me, I have not seen in 20 years!  Now that's pretty cool.  Friends have went to the pharmacy for me, helped me pickup the house, helped me sell candles etc.  Everyone I know has offered help in some form or another! Although this isn't my official thank you, I just have to say Thank You to a wonderful group of friends!  I would never make it through this without you!  If I didn't have all of you my attitude might be a lot worse!  God forbid!   I'm not blogging anymore until I have something positive to say!  God Bless