The Benefit!

I am actually at a loss for words, but feeling like writing anyway!   Last night my friends got together and held a benefit to help with our medical expenses.  This story starts about 2 months ago.   My friend Melody asked me what I thought about a benefit.  My immediate reaction was no and a big no!  Don't ask why?  I really have no idea.  I just didn't want to accept any help!  Well fast forward a few weeks later and 2 of my other friends suggested it again, not accepting an answer immediately, they gave me time to think.  Well I did and decided it was a great idea!    So all of these women got together several times and planned the big event.  A lot of cell phone minutes were used up during this planning process!    It was to be an all you can eat buffet with fish and shrimp from a catering service.   The catering service canceled at the very last minute.  So my friends had to come up with something to feed a crowd, purchase the food, and cook the food in under 3 hours!  I think I would have just threw my hands up but they pulled it off with flying colors.  All of their husbands cooked hamburgers and pork burgers.  The food was wonderful and the deserts were to die for.  They gave away a lot of wonderful prizes!  It was just a wonderful night!  Our children had a great time at the "dance party" they called it!   I enjoyed seeing so many friends and family that I had not seen in a long time. 

I really am at a loss for words!  I don't think anyone has ever done anything like this for me in all of my life.  I cant put into words what I think about all of these women.  They banned together and made Lemonade out of Lemons for sure.  I suggested to them that they do this once or twice a year for different people because they were so good at it!  I'm not sure if they liked the idea or not. 

We received a lot of help from Charlies buddies as well!  They banned together to really help us in a crisis!  It was wonderful to see all the cards and messages we received from different people.  Going to the mail box was fun for a while!  LOL

In the end I have learned how precious  life is, keep your eyes on people that matter to you, and there are alot more people that care about you than you think!   We are a very lucky family!   To whoever is reading this I have a lesson for you!  If ya need help ask for it!  If you get help pay it forward to someone else.  Always BELIEVE in people around you and yourself!  God Bless!

Back to work!

I am so excited, I turned in my notice from the doctor that it was time for me to go back to work!  Still feeling pretty tired most of the time however, I am no longer having the very annoying and painful side effects from the radiation.  I am a little irritated.  I have had all this time off and my home is more disorganized and trashed than it has ever been.   This time has went so fast.  I don't feel like I have really rested like I should and I have worried constantly about this house.  Not practicing what I preach about whats important I know.  But I did have dreams of being completely organized before I went back to work.   Well I have 2 days this week, then a doctors appointment on Friday.  Our families benefit is on Saturday, so resting will come on Sunday!  That day should be a day of rest anyway!   I sure would like some comments on how you organized people keep your your home clean and organized, get things done on time, look great and have enough time and energy to go to the gym and take your kids to the movies on a whim.   This is how I would like my life to be and its just not happening.  I no longer want to worry about my homes disorganization and dirt!  Ive got more important things to do with my life!   Enough complaining for one day!  God Bless

Finished- Finally

Well today marked another celebration in this Cancer Business!  Yes I do believe it is a business and a lot of people are making big money keeping people like me healthy.  That's a business I like!   I had 2 internal radiation treatments this week and that finished up my main "treatment plan".  I will see my radiology oncologist in Effingham in the next couple of weeks and then will see my regular doctor In Evansville at least every 3 months.  Really I think this has been the easy part.  Making life style changes is very difficult, even when facing cancer.   Eating differently, and I mean completely different is a part of my routine.  I am trying to have the majority of my foods in the good for you plant raw form.  Smoothies and Juicing makes this easier  Don't get me wrong, if I feel like a big mack I will have one, I just wont have one everyday!   I am ashamed to say that I have not started exercising yet, that's next on my list.  I thought of spring the other day and thought to myself, I cant wait to get to the tanner.  Another big no-no!   Making changes as I can and not getting too stressed out about it! 

Moving on

I have often thought about how I am going to feel after my treatments are over.  Today I worry, what if they didn't get it all or what if it comes back.  Those 2 fears will be with me forever.  They are both possibilities that I will have to deal with if they become realities.  My life I have learned is so precious, as well as my wonderful friends and family!  The lemonade of this situation is that I needed to get knocked in the head to realize it.  OK you all say you know that already.  Trust me you REALLY know it when faced with Cancer!

Its time to go back to work, start planning for Lucas surgery and planning for all the fun things we will do this summer!   Its really good to know that there is a really good chance I will be around this summer!

Life has changed for me, the way I take care of myself has to be different!   I want to teach my children about "paying it forward"!    So I am hoping that my blog will no longer focus on Cancer and will be more positive!
For those of you reading please think about someone in need and what you could do for them.  It may be a lonely widower living next door, it could be a child in need, it could be helping Olney with the fireworks!  Whatever you choose, just choose something and go for it.  Encourage those you help to do the same.  This really can make a difference in our world!  God Bless

OREOS verses Raw Vegies!

Well the changes I am trying to make have been easy so far!  The smoothie with the beet is really good.  I did add a banana, I needed a little more sweetness.  The kids loved it as well.  Yesterday, I focused my diet mainly on plant form food, however I did not pass up a bowl of chili I fixed the kids for lunch.  Finally got bounce in my step.  Side effects are mostly gone away.  I hope they don't come back after next weeks treatment but I will get through them if they do.  I am so looking forward to getting back to work!  Boy do I appreciate my job, my clients and especially my co-workers whom I consider my friends.  Oh, I forgot to tell you I also had to have 1 oreo cookie yesterday. LOL  I don't ever plan on completely giving up things I love, I am just not eating the whole box of oreos anymore!   Plus I will never pass on my mothers wonderful cooking or my dads fried fish!  There are some things in life that are too wonderful to give up!

I am so grateful for the cards, emails, facebook messages I have received lately.  Cancer has done a lot of positive things for me!  I look at things a lot different.  Water off a ducks ass as my friend would say!
God Bless and Have a Wonderful Day!

OK I lied it was more than one oreo!

Crazy Sexy Cancer Diet?

Well I have a reason to be motivated.  Of course there is the cancer thing, there is the heart thing, there is the fat thing! Need I say more?    Kris Carr was on Good Morning America earlier this week.  It was actually the first time I had seen her on TV.   She is the author of "Crazy Sexy Cancer" and "Crazy Sexy Cancer Diet".   She is an inspiration to anyone who has cancer.  8 years ago she was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer.  She immediately started researching what she could do for her body to get better.  8 years later she still has cancer but is doing great!   The basics of her "diet" is to have mainly raw plant form food in your diet!   So I will be headed to walmart today to experience the section of the store I am rarely in, The fruit and Vegetable section!   I am getting a juicer (thanks to my pall Patty).  I started out my day with a wonderful fruit smoothie!  The recipe follows this post.  Not only is it easy and  good for you it taste great!  Everyone should give it a try.  Don't tell the kids its good for them, mine love this smoothie!   For lunch I am going to load up with a spinach salad, a lot of water and might indulge in another smoothie!  Looking forward to trying the nectar of the goddess (recipe to follow) as well.   Kris Carr says she drinks it every morning.  She says the juice is the secret to good health, abundant energy, and overall glow!  We've all got to at least give it a shot!
This is my plan on this day of motivation, I hope it last and I will let ya all know how it goes!  By the way, I don't ever intend on completely eliminating fun foods that I love!   My diet is just about balancing, not eliminating.    Have recorded my weight (hell no I'm not going to share it) and I will let ya know if I start loosing and feeling better!   I'm challenging anyone who is reading this to do a little research, start eating in some healthy way!  It may just save your life!  God Bless

Nectar of the Goddess                                                   Becky's Fruit Smoothie
2 Cucumbers                                                                2 bananas
Celery                                                                          2 cups frozen or fresh blackberries
Broccoli Stalks                                                             1 cup fresh orange juice
Sweet Pea Sprouts                                                       1 TBLS  Honey
Kale                                                                             Ice
2 Pears                                                                           

Put ingredients in the juicer and enjoy!               Put ingredients in the blender and Enjoy!

Month 4 of this Cancer Business!

Well, Ive made it this far!  As I get further a long in this process, my attitude is diminishing.  Or shall I say its very poor!  Physically I have felt worse than I ever have since my diagnosis.  My children seem to realize more that something is going on.  Payton our youngest, asked me the other day why I wasn't working!  We have not really said the C word to the kids.  I don't think that is necessary in our situation.  They know that a lot of times they need to be quieter than normal and they do the best 4 and 6 year olds can do.  In the last few days the side effects of the radiation seem to be at their worst.  Since the radiation was in my pelvic area, you can just imagine what all it has affected.  I have had a lot of pain in the last few days plus these were the first days that I actually have not done much because of not feeling well.  I missed my first entire deer season ever!  That really pissed me off!    As I was getting ready to go to a baby shower I realized I just could not do it!  A family member was kind enough to tell me how messy my house was.  OK it is and its driving me crazy, does that person actually think this cancer has caused me to go blind as well?   I am easily agitated and very tired.  I have cried more in the last few days than I ever have during this ordeal.   I hate relying on my husband to run my errands etc.   I want things done when I want them done and that hasn't been happening!   Overall things the last couple of days have really sucked.  My plan for Tuesday is to actually get dressed, pretty up and try to get out of the house.   I will just make sure bathrooms are close and take plenty of pain meds ,lol!

Now that was only 1/2 of my story.   The other side, the side that keeps me going is my friends.  These are girls whom have family's, full time jobs and busy lives.   They are throwing a benefit for mine and Lucas medical bills.  My friends and parents are what keeps me going.   Every time I get a call about the benefit, read who's coming, see who's donated, or who has just sent a note I cry like a new born baby.   Some of the people that have reached out to me, I have not seen in 20 years!  Now that's pretty cool.  Friends have went to the pharmacy for me, helped me pickup the house, helped me sell candles etc.  Everyone I know has offered help in some form or another! Although this isn't my official thank you, I just have to say Thank You to a wonderful group of friends!  I would never make it through this without you!  If I didn't have all of you my attitude might be a lot worse!  God forbid!   I'm not blogging anymore until I have something positive to say!  God Bless

Good Bye Radiation!

Yesterday was a day I will remember forever.  The last day of radiation, internal radiation anyway.   I celebrated with my friend Melody eating the best cupcakes I have ever eaten.  The next part of my treatment will be internal radiation.   The cancer center that I received my external treatment from does not do the internal treatment.  I chose to get the internal treatment in Evansville.   It will be 2 weeks from now and will consist of 2 different days of treatment.  They tell me I will be at the center for several hours and that the actually treatment will only last about 15 min!    Anyway its a happy day!  I have completed 2 parts of my 3 part treatment.  Its almost over!   

Almost done! Thank the dear Lord!

Well 2 more days of external radiation left!  Then on to the internal radiation.  Not looking forward to the internal but you do what ya have to do.  A few weeks ago, I would walk into the Cancer treatment center and some of the people looked really sick.  I thought to my self, I don't feel bad, Ive still got bounce in my step, I'm not like THOSE people.  Well today I am just like all of those people.  I feel like Ive been ran over a truck, continue to be in the bathroom every 5 minutes and continue to burn in places I would rather not.  This day has went by without getting anything done.  I cant remember what was on my so important get done list anyway.  Its another feel sorry for myself day!  In a few hours I will feel better especially after I have complained a few minutes!  To those of you reading I really do hope you take something from what is going on in our life!  That's really why I am writing about it.  I have learned the valuable lesson of whats important in life, and most of us are way off track most of the time!

Lucas

A lot of you have asked me about Lucas and his upcoming surgery.    I thought I would share a little about him.  He loves being outdoors, has a wonderful sense of humor and is a little mischievous.   In the summer he will spend hours in the garden, or just in the dirt.  He loves to plant things and watch them grow!  He is actually very good at it.  He loves to swim and spend time in the woods in the summer.  He is all about riding on his grandpas 4 wheeler and has became a pretty good fisherman. 

Lucas and his twin sister were born premature so they stayed in the hospital for a while when they were born.  They were small but fine when we brought them home.   I often think of Lucas and his little mischievous smile even when he was a few weeks old.  When we took him for his followup with our family doctor, his first official doctors appointment in this world, the doctor noted a heart murmur.  He immediately referred us to Prairie Heart Institute in Springfield.    The doctor at PHI informed us that Lucas had Atrial Septal Defect (a hole in his heart) and Pulmonary Stenosis.  He recommended no treatment at that time stating that sometimes the hole closes on its own.  Lucas has saw his Dr. Nick yearly since then with no changes.  At his last appointment, the week I found out I had Cancer by the way, Dr. Nick said it was time to do surgery.   I was actually shocked.  At every other yearly exam he had said things are fine we will see ya in a year.  The doctor explained to us that since the hole had not closed on its own at this time that it would never close on its own.  Repairing the hole will fix the pulminary stenosis as well, or so that is my understanding.  Due to my health issues, the doctor scheduled Lucas surgery on Feb. 25th.   He will have his surgery at St. Louis Childrens Hospital.  It is my understanding that he will only be in the hospital for a day or two.  Then recoup at home.   So keep my little Lucas in your thoughts and prayer!  We love him so very much and will be glad when this surgery is all over and all is well!

Dont take life too seriously!

Today was another busy day in the life of this Cancer business.  I started out the day getting radiation in Effingham at 8:30 this morning.  I rushed home and picked up my chauffeur for the day, Mom.  We then headed to Evansville!  Keep in mind I am having a few embarrassing to say the least side effects!  I tried not to eat all day to avoid any problems.  Those of you that know me well know that that is almost impossible for me to do.  Food is really one of my favorite things.  Anyway I ate a little and spent most of my site seeing today in various bathrooms in Evansville.  For you ladies out there, have you ever had to get a pap smear when you were having diarrhea.  Horrifying!  The second doctor I saw today was a new Radiology Oncologist.  He will be doing my internal radiation.  Internal radiation will be done at 2 different sessions and the process will take about 2 hours.  It wont be the most pleasant 2 hours I have spent, but it will be worth it.    Then I headed off to see my new gynecologist!    Another pap test!  By the end of the day my head was spinning and I am exhausted.  My side effects are hopefully at their worst, extreme burning, problems with seeing too many bathrooms, and extreme exhaustion.   But the countdown is on, to being done that is.  I am looking forward to going back to work as soon as possible.   Then my focus will be on Lucas who will be having heart surgery on February 25th!    Still trying to keep the stress level down, trying to focus on whats important and not taking life to seriously!    A wonderful man that I have worked with for 20 years has always said "Don't take life to seriously and don't ever take it personally".   Every day I fight to be as positive as I can and focus on all the good in the world, I hope you all do the same!  God Bless and Thanks Dr K!

Life sucks and then?

As you can see by my title, this is one of those bad days!  I have to admit I have very few of them but this is the day.  Started out like any other day.  I went to Effingham for radiation at 7:30 A.M.  Back around 10:30.  Felt a little energy so I decided to make some candles for my new business.   Got the mail, none for me except medical bills!  At least they put a Holiday stamp on them, that impressed me.    Have lost my energy with the candles, ran out of ink to do my new labels and ran out the candle jars that I really like!  That pissed me off!   OK Have I mentioned lately that I'm in the bathroom every 5 seconds and I burn in places I don't want to burn.  I had planned on going back to work on Tuesday but have decided to take my full 3 months of medical leave.  This is the second thing that really pisses me off!  I love my job, miss my clients and coworkers and I'M NOT GETTING PAID!  LOL    So I decided to do a little research about Cancer on the net.  OK I have said before that I needed to quit reading.  My doctors have given me my prognosis, but every time I go on a research binge, I read all the bad possibilities and stay away from the positive!  What the hell.  Its like going to the doctor and saying "Doc it really hurts when I put my arm like this"  and the doctor says "Well quit putting your arm like that....idiot!"  I know what I need to be doing and thinking but for today, I'm going to feel sorry for myself for just a couple more hours then I plan on snapping the hell out of it!  God Bless

Crazy Sexy Cancer

We had a great Christmas as always.  The kids really enjoyed themselves.  They have informed me that they did not get everything they "ordered".

This week has been all but fun!   I am still putting toys together and trying to get batteries in others.  Then trying to figure out how some of their toys even work.  OMG  I think I need some chemical help, maybe a bottle of wine in my future could help!  My house is driving me crazy, I'm not practicing what I preach about whats important and whats not!  Did I mention that Lucas vomited all night Monday!

I have been hit by side effects from the radiation, I am over 1/2 way done by the way.   Without getting too graphic, radiation makes you burn in places you would rather not burn. lol  Plus while in walmart in Effingham this morning I had to visit the bathroom more than 2 times, I lost count.  The worst side effect is being really tired.  I slept most of the day on Monday.  Yesterday was a little better and today I actually had some energy.    All in all the side effects could be a lot worse.  

Just a couple more weeks of radiation in Effingham, then I head to Evansville for internal radiation.  Then hopefully I will be done for a while.

I just finished reading the book "Crazy Sexy Cancer"!  Its a wonderful book and I gained a lot from it.  The women in the book have wonderful attitudes and a lot can be learned from them.  I highly recommend the book. 

In the book it talks about what Not to say to someone who has cancer:
"How long have they given you?'
"Well how long has God given you?.............Asshole!
I laughed for about an hour after I read that!

Hoping Everyone had a Merry Christmas!

Was it a dream!

When I woke up today I could not help but think how organized I am!  My house is clean, my bills are organized and paid, my Christmas shopping is done.  I have this wonderful display of chocolates that I have made from scratch for everyone to enjoy on Christmas day.  The turkey is thawing and the ham is ready to cook!  My gifts are wrapped and are under the tree!  I have no last minute things to do or things to buy!  My new candle business is all organized and my new labels are done!  All I have to do for the next couple of days is curl up with my kids, coffee for me and hot chocolate for them and watch "A wonderful life" and "Miracle on 34th street" over and over!  Did I fail to mention that my kids are being well behaved and not asking me what they are getting for Christmas every 5 minutes!  .........Then I realized all that was just a dream.  I try to do all the above every year way before Christmas so we can truly enjoy our few days that family comes in to celebrate with us!    Don't get me wrong, my disorganization has nothing to do with Cancer, its truly a part of me.   When the fall season comes I start daydreaming about all the wonderful things I would like to do for Christmas.  By this time of the month, 3 days before Christmas, my daydreaming turns into complete stress and I realize I have not accomplished any of those wonderful things I would like to do for the holidays!  So what to do????????? I have decided that my house wont be perfect, I may have to buy some chocolates,  some of my gifts will be stuck in gift bags and Its really no big deal if my kids are asking me what they are getting for Christmas every 5 minutes.  So today's blog for me has been a little bit of a therapy session for myself and hopefully whom ever is reading!  Whats important about the holidays we do tend to forget.  Sounds like a cliche` but it is so true.  My family realizes that I am a slob and not the best house keeper in the world. They have known me for 44 years and I have NEVER been neat before.  They wont be disappointed or even surprised when gifts are in gift bags and not wrapped.   My mother will bring the most wonderful chocolates we have all ever eaten.   I think its all going to be OK!        Next year I will  be dreaming the same dreams about our Christmas celebration!  Never hurts to dream!  For the rest of this season I am going to do what I can do and still relax and enjoy being with my family!  Its time to take down the stress level a notch!   I hope that everyone reading has a Very Merry Christmas and takes your own stress level down a notch!  Happy Holidays!

What the Hell!

Just as I thought radiation was going well, I got whammed with some side effects this weekend.  Nothing major but a "pain in the ass" LOL!  I think I will leave out the details.  Radiation is making me tired as well, or shall I say lazy!  Starting week 3 on Monday!  Almost 1/2 over!!!!!  I have a good buddy Melody that has taken me to several treatments and that makes it a lot more fun!  I am looking forward to breakfast at the Cracker Barrel with Melody and Connie!  Its going to be a good week before Christmas!  God Bless!

A toast to my gal pals at work!

Finished my first 2 weeks of radiation!  All is going well!  No more cancer news for today!  LOL

I got to enjoy some time away from the house and treatments at our work Christmas Party Today!  I am truly blessed to work with such a great group of women.  I am lucky to say that I am always excited to go to work and enjoy almost every minute of it!  Well I have to be honest, I don't like the paperwork.  But you do what you have to do.  I guess I would rather do paperwork than lets say Chemo!  LOL

It was nice to look around the room at the party and see a lot of smiling happy faces!  A group of people that care about each other and are there to support each other!    A toast to my gal pals at work!  I am lucky to know you all!

RADIATION.. My new best friend!

In week 2 of radiation.  I have had no major side effects.  The only "pain" is the drive to Effingham for less than 5 minutes of treatment.   I knew nothing about radiation before this.  Its not bad at all really.  Laying in a tanning bed for 12 minutes is a lot worse.  Radiation doesn't hurt at all.  You cant feel a thing.  The machine is huge and a little noisy.  A man that gets his treatments before me called it the Cobra today.  I kind of like that so I think I will stick with that name.  So before I actually started getting treatments, they did whats called a simulation on me.  This involves getting a lot of x rays and getting your body marked so you will get radiation in the places its needed ( I guess), that's not an educated description but that's what I gathered from it.  A few days later they gave me tattoos that I will have forever to show the places I have received radiation.  Each day when I arrive at the cancer center I get 2 gowns (No butts hanging out at the cancer center) and join others in the waiting room.  When it is my turn I get positioned on the cobra the same exact way each day.  The staff tell me to "lay heavy" and they do all the moving.  The blue circles that are on my hands and feet, help to to lie still and help with positioning.  After they get me situated the staff leave the room and its just me and the cobra.  The cobra circles my body and stops 4 times for less than 10 seconds each time and I am done.  Piece of Cake! 

DEAD WOMEN WALKING!

Today I got to thinking at how we all look at things so differently, especially as circumstances change or we become more, shall I say enlightened.    I remember my responses when hearing that people I knew had cancer.  I was almost afraid of seeing them!  I mean really, What the hell do ya say to someone who is about to kill over?   Then I would run into them at the grocery store and think "Oh my Gosh they still EAT?"   I am ashamed at my ignorance but want to share it as well.  I  know how hard it can be for friends to talk to me and try to think of what to say.  I have learned that it really doesn't matter what you all say as long as you are saying something!  Being positive for everyone we care about is one of the biggest gifts we can give in life!   Prognosis vary for different people.  Cancers are becoming more and more treatable and not always a death sentence!    My prognosis is very good at this point.    I am making life style changes and will be watched very carefully so if my cancer shows up again, hopefully we can treat it effectively. 
God Bless

What a day!

Today was to be a very busy day, Cancer keeps you busy you know!!!  I needed to be in Effingham for radiation at 7:45 A.M. then back to Evansville by 11:20 to see my doctor.   OK this is kind of possible, if you haven't just had a major snow storm.   With good weather I was pushing it.  So I cancelled the radiation and went on my way to Evansville.  Leaving very early so I would have plenty of time.  What do ya know some poor person had a very bad wreck on Interstate 64 and we were stopped in Traffic for an hour.   My doctor was so kind, saw me even though I was an hour late.

My appointment went well!  The doctor informed me I was healing well and everything looked good.  That's what we like to hear.  He referred me to ANOTHER radiation oncologist so I could get some "internal" radiation treatments.  So I have 3 doctors that I feel are taking pretty good care of me.  One doctor sees me 1 time every week! 

On to more important things!  Santa Clause is officially done shopping!  The kids and I are enjoying some more egg nog and I got to spend another wonderful day with mom!  Life is good!

Just another day in the rain!

O.K. friends!  First of all thank you so much for those of you that are reading my blog! 
Tonight I just feel like complaining.  I sat out in the rain today, well in a tent blind, with dreams of seeing a MONSTER BUCK or something close to it.  All I saw was a skunk, a very annoying bird and some squirrels.  WTH  LOL  We have one more day of muzzle loader season and all jokes aside, I really do enjoy it!   Getting up at 4 in the morning so I am going to eat and sleep and pray!  Not necessarily in that order!That sounds kind of like a book I am reading.  LOL